URNotAlone

Cyndi Ric...

Over the years, I've had the privilege of working with scores of amazingly talented women. Without a doubt, Ms Pat Benetar is one of the best. Once upon a time, long ago, she happened to be stepping off her tour bus with her husband Neil as I pulled up on my custom-painted motorcycle, just a little late for work. They both came over to check out the paint job, I introduced myself as their lighting director for the show, and we talked for a few minutes. Much to my delight, when this song came up in the set, Pat looked out into the house, pointed her finger at the control riser where I was running the console, and dedicated this song to me. Little did she know just how much that meant to me, or how accurate the meaning of this song was in regards to my life, both then AND now. Enjoy.

Cyndi Ric...

  "You bastard, I just KNOW you've been cheating, because I smelled strange perfume on the car seat and found lipstick in the console! Who is she, you no-good, lying mother-f#cker?"

  How many of you have heard variations on THAT delightful theme? And how many of you were backed into that uncomfortable corner where you finally had to "fess up", and tell the enraged lady in question that the only other "girl" in your life was actually YOU?

  Been there, done that, and fortunately the incredible truth only resulted in a nasty break-up, as opposed to a very ugly and inevitably expensive D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

  In any event, with that in mind, today's trans-related musical offering not only has those very words for it's title, but in addition to some amazing vocals and powerful lyrics that many here will relate to ("The language of love has left me stony grey, tongue-tied and twisted at the price I've had to pay."), there is also a clever bit of gender-bending in the video itself. See if you can figure it out in the first viewing, and as always, feel free to share your own "loved and lost" stories in the comments section below.

Cyndi Ric...

  This song from Saga is extremely trans-relevant, although delivered with a lighter heart, and always brings to mind my experience participating in the two major trans-conferences,  Be All in my fair city of "sweet home Chicago" and Southern Comfort in beautiful downtown "Hot-lanta", where I had the privilege of serving on the production staff of both, "making the magic happen" for several years. (Imagine, all those years of professional "show-biz" expertise really was good for something trans-related after all!) Anybody who has been to a transgender gathering, be it a major conference or simply a rockin' "girls night out" should probably be able to tell their own stories about a bit of "misbehavior", and I'd love for you to "dish" in the comments section below. Enjoy...

Misbehaviour

When I feel like they're closing in on me, I can't take any more,
I walk away and find an open door.

When it seems like I've got my back against the wall,
You look my way, I know I'm not alone.

Call it misbehavior, call it what you like,
But all this misbehaving is just what I need tonight!

Oh, you're not alone.

When you feel like there's no reason, no rhyme at all,
Look my way, it's not the end of the world.

Call it misbehavior, call it what you like,
But all this misbehaving is just what you'll need tonight.

Call it misbehavior, call it what you like,
But is it misbehaving if you get what you want tonight?

So if it feels like you're losing it, don't let go.

Don't hold it back, you've got to let me know.

And when it seems like they're closing in on you, unlock that door,

Look around, can't you see that there's got to be more?

Let it all go, we'll go all the way tonight!

Call it misbehavior, call it what you like,
But all this misbehaving is just what we need tonight.

Call it misbehavior, they can call it what they like,
But is it misbehaving if we get what we want tonight?

Cyndi Ric...

  Like most of the music vids that I've posted here so far, this is yet another amazing page out of my "past life" that I'd like to share with those who may be interested.

  For an all-too-brief period of time I had the pleasure of working with an incredible Canadian "prog-rock" group known as Saga. Much of their music was pure genius, and two songs in particular resonated deeply with my gender issues, which back in those halcyon daze (sic) were still getting sorted out. I'll share them both here, in two separate entries.

  This first song speaks to the profound inner conflict that I suspect many trans-folk have experienced in their day-to-day lives. Perhaps the title has already given you a clue?

  With that said, I present for your approbation the extremely trans-relevant lyrics and music of Saga's "Odd Man Out". Enjoy, and as always, feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Odd Man Out

They don't think I understand when I'm not feeling like myself.

That's why I leave when I can, taking the “odd man” out.

Now and then I have the feeling they're just outside looking in.

I'm surrounded by these strangers, I feel like the odd man out (here I am).

You are who we say you are.

Why can't you leave me alone?

We know you know who we are.

Why won't you tell me what you want from me?

I hear them having conversations, but they keep it to themselves.

Half the time I can't remember, who is the “odd man” out?

I have so many mixed emotions, is this life I live my own?

I hear them whispering my name, am I the “odd man” out?

Who am I to be this time?

Am I on my own?

Tell me who you see, or do you know?

Who am I to be this time?

Make me feel at home.

Don't let me spend too much time alone... (too much time alone)

Who am I to be this time?

Am I on my own?

Tell me who you see, or do you know?

Who am I to be this time?

Make me feel at home.

Don't let me spend too much time alone.

They don't think I understand when I'm not feeling like myself.

That's why I leave when I can, taking the “odd man” out.

Cyndi Ric...

Lest some of my 100 URNA friends (how cool is that?) think that I am some kind of stuffy "all business" type of gal, based on my recent politically-themed journal entries, I offer for your kind consideration the following video, which also deals with a "taboo" issue (religion) as well. I actually peed my panties from laughing when I saw this bit live, albeit through a wonderous cloud of smoke, the likes of which I hadn't seen since the last time I watched a Cheech & Chong movie (smile).

On a totally trans-related note, maybe it's just me, but I think that Ralphie May bears a strong resemblance to Chaz Bono? HMMM... "Smokin' with the starz"?

Rock on!

Cyndi Ric...

  For what it's worth, the deeply resonant name of this incredible website is really the main reason I joined a few years back, and now I have a little story to share.

  Once upon a time, in an arguably kinder and gentler America, there was an amazing trans-woman by the name of Dr. Kimberly Hyatt-Wallace.

  She was a brilliant and compassionate world-class therapist whose practice was dedicated exclusively to patients with gender identity disorder (GID), and she charged fees for her excellent services according to the individual's ability to pay.

  Some relatively affluent clients paid "full retail" (which was still rather reasonable, all things considered), and for others far less fortunate (and there were a LOT of those!) she generously donated her time and expertise "pro bono".

  After a while, she bought a big old four-story brick house with nine bedrooms and six baths, renovated it and began to offer her hospitality to those of her patients who had nowhere else to turn as a result of a less-than ideal transition experience. People at "Kirwin House" had counselling, a safe place to sleep, healthy home-cooked meals three times a day, job placement assistance, and free clothing appropriate to search for work in. She did all of this out of love for the collective transgender "community".

  I am honored to say that she was MY doctor, and my very dear friend as well.

  Sadly, she passed away a couple of years ago, and she IS deeply missed by many grateful trans-folks all over the world. Trust me on this. 

  The beautifully sensitive song featured below is dedicated to my good friend, the late, great Dr. Kim. May she finally rest in peace.

  Give the lyrics a good close listen, and the reason why should become self-evident.

Cyndi Ric...

This amazing song speaks LOUDLY to my trans-experience (with a minor alteration to the lyrics ~ see below), and perhaps you can relate to it as well?

Waking up blind with the house on fire!

Well I pick up my guitar, (I tune up)
I look in the mirror
It's like a stranger in my hand (baby is crying)

There comes a time when the boy must leave (get up)
and the girl has to enter
for the soul to understand (all of the changes)

As if it ain't hard enough

this life I'm living in
I was caught with my guard down
when the world came knocking

I feel the big beat, the Rock of Life
Big beat talk to me
I feel the back beat, the Rock of Life

Waking up blind with the house on fire!

Is it something in my head (look up)
or the time of season
or the little girl in my hands (must be a reason)

Yeah, there's new meaning in my life (a shake-up)
but there's pain and confusion
and I'm trying to understand (all of the changes)

I've been cut so deep but I can't make it bleed
I was caught with my head in the sand
when the world came knocking.

I feel the big beat, the Rock of Life
Big beat talk to me
I feel the back beat, the Rock of Life

It ain't no perfect life
this one I'm living in
and I was caught with my guard down
when the world came knocking.

I feel the big beat, the Rock of Life
Big beat talk to me
I feel the back beat, the Rock of Life